And another rainy day, No Complaints Here!!!...

Well the oscars were a bit of a snooze.
Anne and James were okay but not enuf
energy to carry the broadcast.

Loved Billy Crystal's shtick with Bob Hope.

And glad The King's Speech prevailed over
the social network.

A laundry and housekeeping day.
mildly successful.
whatever the hell that means.

G'nite

Ahhhhh a grey rainy Vancouver day, Green wins the curling day!!

Wellll, the first half of the game sucked.
Picked up in the 2nd half and What A Finish
Saskatchewan Wins--WoooHooo

The Weather's warming up, rainy day.
did some extra Light Therapy this morning
Soooo felt a little lighter.

Spoke with Len and Aunt B. They were having
a dinner party to celebrate Len's Birthday.

The Nascar race was a mess today, fun
frantic mess, Jeff Gordon won, not who I picked.

Dat's All

G'nite

Light Powdery Snow................

It has snowed pretty much all day.
A very light dusting, albeit continuously.
Soooo...About an inch on the ground.

Bizarre....

Happy Jamaica Vacation to Megan + Laurie.
Jealous....

Saskatchewan made it to the finals.
Go Green.

G'nite

did I mention it's ccccold.........

Sunny but cold.

Good curling on T.V.
Too bad B.C. lost to Nova Scotia.
And Jones beat Holland in the Page 1-2 playoff.
an extra end.

Sooo some good curling to look forward to.

Happy Birthday Len!

Happy Hangover Barb, in Berlin.

and to the rest of us,
Ummmm.......

G'nite

Brrrrr.......Verra Verra Cold......for Vancouver....

the poor crocuses that were blooming
are gonna say bye bye.
The ground was actually frozen today.
probably still is..... sun was out, so....that was nice.

Appt's and errands, run around busy.
heat at max.

Got nuthin' else.

G'nite

Technically it's Friday, but still Thurs.pm for moi...

I made coq au vin, and went to North Van
with Annet and Laura (friend of Lori's from
Windsor that she grew up with, flew in tonite)

Saw Lori's new place, it's grreat!, nice courtyard
where she will have a super garden this summer.

Glad I pushed myself to cook all day, didn't
get picked up til 2015hrs, ate dinner @ 2130hrs
and home just now.

Sooo... shower, bed, book.

G'nite

Hellooooo......

As I sit to write I realize that because of the automatic
email thingy, some of you get my ramblings forced on you.

Soooo..... thought maybe I should just undo the
automatic delivery, so you can tune in if you want to
but are not automatically subjected to.

just one of the things circling my brain.

the pledge to myself to be accountable and blog every day
so some of this mental sludge gets shifted.

Ah Well....
Disjointed thoughts.
No worries

G'nite

Okay, it was snowing off and on.......

Only for a couple of hours, and nothing that stuck around.
But, What the H. E. double hockey sticks is going on.

Sending prayers to New Zealand.

G'nite

A cat in gloves catches no mice.....what the hell does that mean??

I just realized I missed yesterday. It was in a good cause.

My friend Lori pulled up outside and rang me.
Sooo out I went.
We picked up Annett and had an early dinner.
Italian and yummy.

Today, curling and browsing cookbooks for different stew
recipes.

Welcome home from Cancun to Barb, Rick and Mado.

Be Well

G'nite

Scott Tournament of Hearts.....something worth watching on T.V.

Good News, the competitive curling season is on.
Women's Nationals begin tomorrow. woohoo

There was some wicked good thunder storms
last night. All sound and fury....

Slow moving day.....
so....until tomorrow.

G'nite

lotsa walking....cold, some hail+slushy snow...what the hell.....

A survival day.
My morning appt. was cancelled upon arrival. argh...
and damn, if I didn't find myself weeping....argh

sooo...I was already out and just started to power walk.
cold, rain-wet snow-hail.....then home

Then...More walking, I'm chilled but tired now.
got home @ 2100hrs. soooo, walking and music
and my ocean, whitecaps and fog and all.

It's all Good. right?

G'nite

Todays proverb- The Unexpected Always Happens.....tru-dat

Another grey day, mostly drizzly, with some periods of heavier showers.
Not cold---so that's a good thing.

Survivor started tonite---let's hope it's better than the last one.

Watching the computer play jeopardy, kinda cool.

Appt. to wade thru some more taxes tomorrow.

forward ho.....

that's it, that's all

G'nite

A regular, garden variety, grey rainy day......

Made it out, only 11 blocks picked up milk
so I can make my nightly sweet treat.

Banana, 100% dark cocoa powder,
dash of vanilla, skim milk and ice.
pulverize and suck through a straw.
Dessert lasts about 20-25 minutes.

And, it's good for me.

Not much sleep, but have some good books
so it's all okay.

Keepin' my head above water.

G'nite

Windy doesn't quite cover it.........

Windstorm today, branches on the street,
rain going sideways, trees whipping around.

Oh Ya, Happy Valentines Day to all the
people I luvs.

Quiet day on the homefront.
Not feelin' much like sharing or
excavatin' any feelings.

Soooooo....

I have fulfilled my technical obligation to myself
and the pledge to blog every day.

'nuf said.
G'nite

patience is a virtue......World's greatest proverb desk calendar

I received the calendar for Christmas.
Tomorrows is "a faint heart never won fair lady"
I have no pithy comments.

Sarcasm however, I have in abundance.
Patience, not so much.

My friend Annett is here from Gemany,
I went for a walk to meet her and had coffee
at Sophies Cosmic Cafe.

It was raining on the way home,
I looked for a rainbow,
couldn't find one, was verra
dark grey hanging over the mountains
and the ocean.

I looked for a rainbow.
At least I looked for one. Right?
So that was my positive moment of the day.
What the hey!
Ya takes 'em where ya find 'em.

G'nite

Family photos from bygone time.....

What a wonderful walk down memory lane.

Sharon and Bob have put together albums of
scanned photos of our lives.

it was warm and fuzzy looking thru them.

Anybody interested in seeing them leave
me a comment and I will forward the albums
to you.

A grey day, just could not sleep last nite so
a slow day.

but the sun shone for those moments I was
looking at the photos and feeling the memories.

G'Nite

ummmmm...ah.....zzzzzz...

So good news
the laundry is done, suitcases finally emptied
and everything is clean,
Gonna sleep in fresh bed linens,
always a good thing.

I just kinda muscled thru the day.
Rainy and gloomy grey, a little more tidying
and a few trips to recycle, vacuum and
voila.

Sooo. hangin' in to bed with a book.

Some curling on local cable this w/e
Shaw has the Manitoba, Alberta and B.C. mens
semifinals and finals on. worth a boo.

G'nite

a new era in reading....kobo....

Soooo, I did it. I broke down and bought a kobo ereader.
There's been more and more books at the library that are
only available as ebooks.
Have managed to download the software, but too tired
to concentrate and figure the rest out.

So a goal for tomorrow.
Laundry first, some housekeeping and
read the get started guide on my kobo.

As for moi, saw my Doc today, and gonna keep a
record of how much lite therapy done each day and increase
by 5 minutes per day, and record prn meds.
Will see him in 2 weeks and take a look at the results.

I'm a little wound up, soooo
will do my yoga meditation, shower, and to bed with a book.
a real one.

G'nite

25 years ago........hard to believe...

This is the Anniversary of my Dad's Death.
It was an aneurysm, so quick for him, a good thing.
Hard on the rest of us.

It is true that time heals,
for me what heals is the sharp edge of pain
the one that takes your breath every time a memory surfaces,
or when the loss registers in the now.

Now, I kinda have conversations with my Dad when
something reminds me of him
or there's something I would've shared with him.

Now, the feelings of loss remain, and the memories are
a tribute to the man who raised me.
Warts and all.

G'nite

Tuesday.......Life isn't all beer and skittles (pretzels for me!)

Took meds to sleep, and yes I slept.
the coma sleep of the daid.
Yarded my butt out of bed around 2pm
and not so much anxiety, also not much of anything else.

win some lose some.

work in progress.
g/nite

Sunny, windy, water, mountains, yup that was moi

Sooo, a very slow start but who cares.
Walked on the beach looking at the mountains
sunny with a wind howling from the arctic
just me, my walking poles, and the Irish Tenors.
20 minute Victory Today.

A very gracious thanks to all my family and friends
who are helping me normalize this difficult time.

G'nite

Minutes versus hours..........

A good day sports wise. Green Bay Packers won the Superbowl, and the 2nd half was a real barnburner.

i walked to get some food at the market, and had a shower.
Got some sleep with the pills, the good thing was it turned down
that wheel in my brain that ruminates at mach 10, with every negative
thought, nightmare, worst case scenario................. and, as Depression is a cyclical
chemical imbalance there are times that exercise, yoga, music nothing can override
the negative noise.
so Anxiety increases, ergo hot flashes increase in intensity and frequency, and
complete soaking night sweats.
did I mention nightmares.

I know this will get better, I believe that now, however in the middle of fighting it
my energy is so sapped i feel limp, wrung out, and battered emotionally.

I can surface for 5 minute chats with my family because we use humour to cope,
Black Humour but it works just the same.

Just had a brief chat with my friend Lori, she's recovering and doing better.
I realized as I was speaking with her that I still censor what I say here.
For example, on Wednesday at the library, I was having a tough time, every time I felt someone behind me I would get that hair raising on the back of my neck feeling that someone was going to
knock me on the head, try and rape me and leave me for dead again.
Finally my thinking brain came up with, keep your back to the books and let people pass in front of you.
That helped and I was able to get a couple of books and get home.
Today on the way to the food market, I had this wheel saying you aren't using your life
give it to someone else they deserve it more.
Again able to shake it off, but is there any wonder I don't want to get out of bed or leave home.
It's just that much more difficult right now out there.

That is the bummer, the walking and ipod therapy not working right now.
Yoga not working ,soooooo hang on and go minute to minute for a while and this will ease eventually.

Also more judicious use of antianxiety meds which I detest using because of their
addictive properties.

Right now I will use them for a few days and see if that gives me a jump on this round.
G'nite

moooving slowlyyy....

weird night, no sleep til 0500 then nightmares, and sweats and hot flashes.

Soooo tonite if yoga and meditation aren't doing it,
I'm going for the heavy artillery
Drug Therapy, Something for the persistent headache and to give me some sleep.

Dat's it--Dat's all
G'nite

Laughter is the best medicine......

No Wonder those old axioms last through the ages.

Crappy Day, but played Jeopardy with Mutti.
We managed to share our misery, and the burden feels manageable.

Sometime when the anxiety that accompanies clinical depression does
not respond to any of my attempts to tame it, it feels overwhelming.

The good news is I now know after all these long years that even if
I don't believe it right now, this will lift.
Time has taught me that.

I've been way worse than this.
Soo....
Thinkin' of the things I am grateful for.
Family that I love---Cuz Linda is home and a walking miracle----
I am sound of body, and the darkness will lift.

G'nite

Healthy Expression........I read about it.....

In the December issue of Alive magazine---an article on Healthy Expression

Recently, people with health problems have been turning to expressive writing as a way to meditate and become more aware of their body.

In the past few decades, researchers have delved into the benefits of writing, and a bulk of scientific literature supports the benefits of releasing thoughts onto the page.

Pychologists found that regular expressive writing resulted in better working memory, improved
social skills, and relief from anxiety and depression.

Here we go..........
crappy day, dark grey, rainy, not too cold, felt dopey, down, and anxious all day.

Not much sleep last nite.

Almost makes me not want to go to bed tonite.

so, hot shower, some yoga and breathing meditation....and to bed with a book.

G'nite

Warmer outside today.....so dragged my ass out to .......

The Library and chapters, and spent some of my gift card money on books.
Chapters didn't have their paperback sale in Dec. this year.

They usually have one twice a year, buy 3 get 4th free.
I'd been stockpiling titles waiting for the sale.

Broke down today and bought 5 books, all the next in series I've been waiting for
that the library doesn't have.

As I was walking home, a cyclist wasn't paying attention and clipped me.
no harm done, banged into right shoulder and hip, but I stayed on my feet.

Yay, me.

G'nite

"WHITE RABBITS"----I remembered.

When I was a youngster, my Dad would run from room to room waking us up and whispering, say "white rabbits" say white rabbits...... and groggily I would respond.

My Dad told us that saying White Rabbits first thing (before uttering any other syllable) on the first day of a new month meant you received good luck for that month.

Soooo....Today I remembered, to say it before I said anything else.

Ahhhhh, see Ahhh instead of Argh....,

Today I changed this one small thing.

Tomorrow is a new day.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

And now I will channel Scarlett O'Hara, " After all, tomorrow is another day"

G'nite