Sooo, a very slow start but who cares.
Walked on the beach looking at the mountains
sunny with a wind howling from the arctic
just me, my walking poles, and the Irish Tenors.
20 minute Victory Today.
A very gracious thanks to all my family and friends
who are helping me normalize this difficult time.
G'nite
Monday, 7 February 2011
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Minutes versus hours..........
A good day sports wise. Green Bay Packers won the Superbowl, and the 2nd half was a real barnburner.
i walked to get some food at the market, and had a shower.
Got some sleep with the pills, the good thing was it turned down
that wheel in my brain that ruminates at mach 10, with every negative
thought, nightmare, worst case scenario................. and, as Depression is a cyclical
chemical imbalance there are times that exercise, yoga, music nothing can override
the negative noise.
so Anxiety increases, ergo hot flashes increase in intensity and frequency, and
complete soaking night sweats.
did I mention nightmares.
I know this will get better, I believe that now, however in the middle of fighting it
my energy is so sapped i feel limp, wrung out, and battered emotionally.
I can surface for 5 minute chats with my family because we use humour to cope,
Black Humour but it works just the same.
Just had a brief chat with my friend Lori, she's recovering and doing better.
I realized as I was speaking with her that I still censor what I say here.
For example, on Wednesday at the library, I was having a tough time, every time I felt someone behind me I would get that hair raising on the back of my neck feeling that someone was going to
knock me on the head, try and rape me and leave me for dead again.
Finally my thinking brain came up with, keep your back to the books and let people pass in front of you.
That helped and I was able to get a couple of books and get home.
Today on the way to the food market, I had this wheel saying you aren't using your life
give it to someone else they deserve it more.
Again able to shake it off, but is there any wonder I don't want to get out of bed or leave home.
It's just that much more difficult right now out there.
That is the bummer, the walking and ipod therapy not working right now.
Yoga not working ,soooooo hang on and go minute to minute for a while and this will ease eventually.
Also more judicious use of antianxiety meds which I detest using because of their
addictive properties.
Right now I will use them for a few days and see if that gives me a jump on this round.
G'nite
i walked to get some food at the market, and had a shower.
Got some sleep with the pills, the good thing was it turned down
that wheel in my brain that ruminates at mach 10, with every negative
thought, nightmare, worst case scenario................. and, as Depression is a cyclical
chemical imbalance there are times that exercise, yoga, music nothing can override
the negative noise.
so Anxiety increases, ergo hot flashes increase in intensity and frequency, and
complete soaking night sweats.
did I mention nightmares.
I know this will get better, I believe that now, however in the middle of fighting it
my energy is so sapped i feel limp, wrung out, and battered emotionally.
I can surface for 5 minute chats with my family because we use humour to cope,
Black Humour but it works just the same.
Just had a brief chat with my friend Lori, she's recovering and doing better.
I realized as I was speaking with her that I still censor what I say here.
For example, on Wednesday at the library, I was having a tough time, every time I felt someone behind me I would get that hair raising on the back of my neck feeling that someone was going to
knock me on the head, try and rape me and leave me for dead again.
Finally my thinking brain came up with, keep your back to the books and let people pass in front of you.
That helped and I was able to get a couple of books and get home.
Today on the way to the food market, I had this wheel saying you aren't using your life
give it to someone else they deserve it more.
Again able to shake it off, but is there any wonder I don't want to get out of bed or leave home.
It's just that much more difficult right now out there.
That is the bummer, the walking and ipod therapy not working right now.
Yoga not working ,soooooo hang on and go minute to minute for a while and this will ease eventually.
Also more judicious use of antianxiety meds which I detest using because of their
addictive properties.
Right now I will use them for a few days and see if that gives me a jump on this round.
G'nite
Saturday, 5 February 2011
moooving slowlyyy....
weird night, no sleep til 0500 then nightmares, and sweats and hot flashes.
Soooo tonite if yoga and meditation aren't doing it,
I'm going for the heavy artillery
Drug Therapy, Something for the persistent headache and to give me some sleep.
Dat's it--Dat's all
G'nite
Soooo tonite if yoga and meditation aren't doing it,
I'm going for the heavy artillery
Drug Therapy, Something for the persistent headache and to give me some sleep.
Dat's it--Dat's all
G'nite
Friday, 4 February 2011
Laughter is the best medicine......
No Wonder those old axioms last through the ages.
Crappy Day, but played Jeopardy with Mutti.
We managed to share our misery, and the burden feels manageable.
Sometime when the anxiety that accompanies clinical depression does
not respond to any of my attempts to tame it, it feels overwhelming.
The good news is I now know after all these long years that even if
I don't believe it right now, this will lift.
Time has taught me that.
I've been way worse than this.
Soo....
Thinkin' of the things I am grateful for.
Family that I love---Cuz Linda is home and a walking miracle----
I am sound of body, and the darkness will lift.
G'nite
Crappy Day, but played Jeopardy with Mutti.
We managed to share our misery, and the burden feels manageable.
Sometime when the anxiety that accompanies clinical depression does
not respond to any of my attempts to tame it, it feels overwhelming.
The good news is I now know after all these long years that even if
I don't believe it right now, this will lift.
Time has taught me that.
I've been way worse than this.
Soo....
Thinkin' of the things I am grateful for.
Family that I love---Cuz Linda is home and a walking miracle----
I am sound of body, and the darkness will lift.
G'nite
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Healthy Expression........I read about it.....
In the December issue of Alive magazine---an article on Healthy Expression
Recently, people with health problems have been turning to expressive writing as a way to meditate and become more aware of their body.
In the past few decades, researchers have delved into the benefits of writing, and a bulk of scientific literature supports the benefits of releasing thoughts onto the page.
Pychologists found that regular expressive writing resulted in better working memory, improved
social skills, and relief from anxiety and depression.
Here we go..........
crappy day, dark grey, rainy, not too cold, felt dopey, down, and anxious all day.
Not much sleep last nite.
Almost makes me not want to go to bed tonite.
so, hot shower, some yoga and breathing meditation....and to bed with a book.
G'nite
Recently, people with health problems have been turning to expressive writing as a way to meditate and become more aware of their body.
In the past few decades, researchers have delved into the benefits of writing, and a bulk of scientific literature supports the benefits of releasing thoughts onto the page.
Pychologists found that regular expressive writing resulted in better working memory, improved
social skills, and relief from anxiety and depression.
Here we go..........
crappy day, dark grey, rainy, not too cold, felt dopey, down, and anxious all day.
Not much sleep last nite.
Almost makes me not want to go to bed tonite.
so, hot shower, some yoga and breathing meditation....and to bed with a book.
G'nite
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