One Photograph Every Day for One Year

Sooo, I have decided I wanted to change my stars in a very concrete way.
It is something that has been bubbling inside of me for a while.
My health has been challenging me in new and different ways, as well as some ongoing ones.

I continue to battle Depression, and flare ups of PTSD.
I have some surgery coming up on January 13th.
In November I was diagnosed with viral labyrinthitis and vertigo.

To say I am struggling is a vast understatement.

The debilitating nausea caused by the labyrinthitis has immobilised me.
Sometimes it is so sensitive I must lie completely still and even small movements of my head
may cause a painful increase in the nausea and a tilting of the universe on it's axis.

I have had a couple of falls, one concussion and am now using my walking poles when I leave the house.  Thank You Barbara for that tip. It had completely escaped me.

All of these things being out of my control is frustrating the hell out of moi.

I use exercise and nutrition to cope with the depression and ptsd, and at the moment the exercise is off the table. Sooo no endorphins is slowly crushing me.  I have reached the White Knuckle and sheer Willpower stage and am unsure how long I can maintain this.

My Solution is to have a goal

This Goal is To Take 1 Photograph Every Day For One Year.

My brain and view of my world and the world at large is already shifting
Looking at my surroundings with this goal in mind is awakening new perceptions.
I am surprised and humbly grateful.

So the quest begins and I will post my pictures and chronicle my journey with the goal of changing my stars, being in the moment, and finding a healthy place in which to exist.

hugs

Study 2005- benefits from writing

I just read an article that says their health and physical benefits from writing.
15 to 20 minutes of writing 3 to 5 times over the course of the four month study was enough to make a difference
Turns out that writing can make physical wounds heal faster as well

It was serendipitous to read the study today.

I have struggled mightily this past week with the darkness and the deepening of my depression and if writing will help in anyway then I must do this to give myself all possible advantage in my battle against this debilitating illness.

So the pledge is to write something every day

There I have said
I have written it
I will do it
Onward.
M

One more day down

Thank the Universe for Friends.
A phone call this evening has helped me purge some of this poison in my mind.
The vultures of depression have stopped relentlessly circling my brain so I'm hoping
That a few words here may pave the way for some true sleep tonite.
It has been a struggle this evening and I'm brewing a whopper of a headache.
Gonna do my yoga and Elaine Petrone's breathing techniques.
G'nite

The darkness has descended and hope is in short supply

The depression I battle always deepens as the darkness grows.
I am doing lite therapy and working at regular exercise and good nutrition
And it still feels like the walls of my life are coated in vaseline and I am inexorably
Sliding down into the abyss.
It is an almost physical pain my psyche hurts so much.
The belief that this will end is being rubbed out.
It has become hard to remember what is possible when the pain and darkness is not so complete.
It frightens me to lose track of that because the hopelessness imprisons my mind and feeds the worthlessness to the point where life is not worth living.
I am banking on the fact that getting the poison out of me and on the page may help me to sleep tonite and tackle another day.
I find myself singing I will survive and hearing Donna Summers voice in a very faint refrain in the back of my brain
G'nite
God Bless

A puzzle-Hmmm, I posted on Discerning Dish, my lapsed book blog and I hope it's not lost in the ether

Ugh, been a while since I posted.

This morning an author I have recently discovered and read everything she has written posted on Twitter a link to her new book.

I felt a buzz of inspiration when I clicked the link and it was for reviewers.

I felt it was a sign to resurrect my book blog and take a step towards higher functioning.

It has been particularly difficult winter, my depression is compounded by the darkness, and I was grieving the loss of my Best Friend, Lori.

I have a cousin I love dearly and her daughter was struggling this winter and hit a wall.
I invited her to my home to love and support her.

I was hoping her seeing me live my coping strategies would be incentive to incorporate some of them into her life to help her out of crisis.
my cousin's Hubby decided to send all of of us to Maui for 2 weeks of sunshine and warm weather to assist our healing and recovery.

I've been back a week and feel much improved.

The first buzz of inspiration to do something productive was this morning and Hope Ramsay's tweet.
My iPad was out of juice and I worried my post was lost.

WoooHooo it just loaded.
Thank You Universe.
Here I Go.
hugs