Well, ready or not here I go............

Wow, how truly out of it was I yesterday, ha, forgot the food/nutrition portion of my blog. (insert laugh here)

Courtesy of the book; Eating Well, Living Well.

As far as diet goes, humans and apes are among the few animals( with the notable exceptions of guinea pigs and some bats) that cannot produce vitamin C on their own and must therefore obtain it from dietary plant sources. Over the course of evolution humans and apes lost the gene coding for L-gulonolactone oxidase, an enzyme involved in the production of vitamin C from sugar. This "genetic disorder" has had little effect on the survival and evolution of apes. Because they consume large quantities of fruits, it is believed their bodies can produce from 10 to 20 timas the amount of vitamin C required!

The acquisition of this plant food was also facilitated by anther genetic mutation that occurred more or less simultaneously, making humans and apes the only mammals that have trichomatic vision. (perception of the colours blue, green, and red). This adaptation played a particularly important role in our evolution, permitting our ancestors to discern ripened red fruits in a predominantly green environment, thereby gaining access to an important food source.

This ability explains women's legendary attraction to the colour pink. Since women were responsible for gathering fruits throughout evolution, the female brain specialized in identifying colours ranging from pink to red, thereby developing a cultural preference for the colours that were synonymous with survival. This sensitivity to pink was hugely important for women in assessing the emotional and health states of family members and friends, by noticing the subtle facial vasodilatations that are associated with emotions.

It also helped develop women's heightened sensitivity to the feelings of others. which is today considered a basic characteristic of the female psyche.

How Cool is all that!!

Now as for moi, it's been a roller coaster week. I've gone from I sooo cannot do this, cannot go away now, and be in someone else's space. Even not sleeping at night I was thinking at least I'm in my own bed, with my home noises and.........

Enough of that, I spoke to Peter on the phone today, and he's gonna meet me at the train station, considering he's 88 years old, taking the 1 hour train ride to get to the main station to meet me, pretty darn good.

Then I called Elaine and her Caitlyn just finished her first week of University and she's psyched. After hearing her voice I am now in let's just get out of here and get going mode.

I spoke to Tim yesterday and I plan on leaving Peter's on Thursday Oct. 1st and head to Tim and sons. Stay there for 4-5 days and then off to see Elaine, Stuart and Caitlyn. Soooo that's it loosely sketched out.

Will hit Public Libraries and Net Cafe's to communicate with y'all.

Pretty much packed except for the last minute stuff.

Soooo, this week I struggled with the whole gotta do everything to a certain standard, the p word. That is why I didn't post anything new. All my focus and energy was going into preparing for this journey. Sharing the emotional ups and downs was too difficult, so here's the quick and dirty.

I had lists upon lists that I would check off as I went, the usual, travel health insurance, advise visa, final appt's with Dentist to adjust my bite from the 3 new crowns that do not seem to fit in my mouth.

See my psychiatrist,catalogue my signs and symptoms and the steps cognitive, nutritive and physically I take to cope with them. I actually admitted to him , that I do not tell him all of what's going on with me because I do not want him to think he's not helping. I did mention the blog and that I felt it was helping me move forward, whatever that will turn out to be.

Doing something different, and as difficult and painful as it is revealing these innermost trials, there is a sensation that pressure is being relieved and something is changing.

I would like to thank everyone for the support and understanding I have received. My heart is full and there seems to be a way forward.

For some reason a swimming analogy has popped into my head, I am no longer drownproofing. I have moved to treading water. Drownproofing is always there when required, but I am keeping it in the back of my mind as a method of last resort, not the mainstay.

Have been feeling a high level of anxiety this week with some panicky feelings, shortness of breath and sweating when I think of the crowds at the airport and being enclosed on the airplane for 9 hours. Soo I have been doing 10 push-ups every time my yoga breathing hasn't been doing the whole job.

Mannnn are my arms chest and abs sore....... this is a good thing.

And so it is.

later y'all

busy,busy,busy....I am packed + unpacked a few times

Well Hell, I can't wait to be sitting on the plane so my brain can stop making lists of what needs to be done, packed, fixed, cleaned.........before I leave.

What is sleep, I don't remember. Just cannot seem to fall asleep, or stay asleep. Arghhhh.

Okay, the kvetching part of this is done.

I leave Saturday noonish, and plane takes off 1555 hrs.

My brain is on pause, and I'm in Hot Flash Hell.... I think I'll pick this up tomorrow when zee leetle gray cells are pinging a wee bit better.

later y'all

mar

Think healthy, eat healthy,.......

Food Factoid:

Eating nuts does not create the calorie intake that you might expect, b/c, 5-15% of the calories are not absorbed by the intestinal system.

That's because the nuts' skin and how well we chew nuts influence digestion.

An added bonus: The slow release of calories throughout the intestinal system leads to prolonged satiety.(= feel full longer)

Factoid: Monosodium glutamate, the additive found in many foods, may play a role in messin up the body's metabolic systems.

A taste enhancer, MSG is used to overstimulate ( some say poison) the glutamine receptors of the brain, so we sense salt and sweets more ( but not bitter and sour tastes, interestingly)

The downside?--That may cause us to eat more and to have higher insulin levels.

Factoid: Think of exercise as medication. Too much of a stretch? Well, studies show that exercise decreases the risk of depression as weel as an antidepressant. Thirty minutes of daily walking has been shown to decrease the risk of breast cancer by 30 %, and increase the rate of survival by 70 %.

Plus, it also improves the survival rates of heart attack victims by 80 %.

Todays Factoids are courtesy of " You on a Diet" by M. Roizen M.D. and Mehmet C. Oz M.D.

They also wrote" You: the Owners Manual"

. Which I haven't read but is now on my list.

Well I am feeling inspired to go for a walk, so will grab my Nordic Walking Poles, and head out for my 1/2 hour which I have been sadly neglecting.

That, and to be honest I do not feel up to any emotional sharing today.

Want to keep the lid on today.

todayyyyy----SHORT+ SUPERFICIAL

FOOD FACTOID: POTATOES--SWEET+WHITE

UNYIELDING, WITH SMOOTH UNDAMAGED SKIN. AVOID IF BRUISED, CRACKED, OR GREEN TINGED.

LOOSE SPUDS THEN TO BE BETTER QUALITY THAN BAGGED.

OUTSIDE OF THE FRIDGE, IN A COOL, DARK PLACE SEPARATED FROM ONIONS, WILL LAST OR MONTHS

SWEET POTATOES SHOULD BE USED WITHIN A WEEK

PAYOFF: POTASSIUM, WHICH MAY HELP PRESERVE MUSCLE MASS AS WE AGE.

RASPBERRIES---PLUMP AND DRY, WITH GOOD SHAPE AND INTENSE, UNIFORM COLOR.

EXAMINE CAREFULLY FOR MOLD OR JUICE STAINS AT THE BOTTOM.

BERRIES WITH HULLS ATTACHED ARE A SIGN OF AN UNDERRIPE, OVERLY TART BERRY.

PLACE UNWASHED ON A PAPER TOWEL IN A SINGLE LAYER. COVER WIH A DAMP PAPER TOWEL AND REFRIGERATE FOR NO MORE THAN 2-3 DAYS.

PAYOFF---MORE FIBER (8 GRAMS PER CUP) THAN ANY OTHER COMMONLY CONSUMED BERRY.

PLUS, THE ANTICANCER CHEMICAL ELLAGIC ACID.

As for moi, the dental saga continues, hopefully 3 permanent crowns are ready to be fitted, and the universe and all it's vast energies permitting, all will go smoothly and successfully.

Will tackle the top two that need work and crowns later in fall.

Gonna walk to dentist to use exercise to combat the emotional heaviness.

and Thanks to the Universe for having the sun shine for me. ahhhh

Doing the avoidance ( I just noticed dance is in that word), 'Cause I was gonna say I'm doing the avoidance dance. Soooo how 'bout I'm doin' the avoi"dance" today. I think I like it.

No deep thinking today, using all my energy to pretend the yucky noise isn't there.

I need the mask today.

Soooo mask on here I go. Always feel better when the suns out, and I get to wear sunglasses so no one can see my eyes. Steels me for being outside.

That's it.

And So It Is.

The Hard stuff

FOOD FACTOID: PINEAPPLE

LOOK FOR VIBRANT GREEN LEAVES WITHA BIT OF SOFTNESS AND A SWEET FRAGRANT AROMA FROM THE STEM END.

AVOID SPONGY FRUIT WITH BROWN LEAVES AND/OR A FERMENTED ODOR.

KEEP A PINEAPPLE WITH A WEAK AROMA AT ROOM TEMP FOR 2-3 DAYS UNTIL IT SOFTENS SLIGHTLY. THEN REFRIGERATE UP TO 5 DAYS.

PAYOFF: BROMELAIN, COMPOUNDS WITH POTENT ANTI-INFLAMMATORY POWERS.

POMEGRANATE

PICK ONES THAT ARE WEIGHTY FOR THEIR SIZE WITH THE GLOSSY, TAUT, UNCRACKED

SKIN THAT IS DEEP RED.

GENTLY PRESS THE CROWN END--IF A POWDERY CLOUD EMANATES THE FRUIT IS PAST ITS PRIME.

STORE IN COOL, DRY LOCATION, THEY KEEP FRESH FOR SEVERAL WEEKS UP TO 2 MONTHS IN THE FRIDGE.

PAYOFF----HEFTY AMOUNTS OF ANTIOXIDANTS SHOWN TO IMPROVE SPERM QUALITY, THUS BOOSTING FERTILITY.

EAT THIS NOT THAT STATES----LIPTON PURELEAF GREEN TEA HONEY

16fl oz 120 CALORIES--0 FAT--32g SUGARS ARGHHH

HONEST TEA ORGANIC GREEN TEA HONEY-16floz--74 CALORIES-0FAT--18g SUGARS

So for tea with no chemical sweeteners this si the one with the best profile.

DASANI PLUS WATERS--THE POMEGRANATE BLACKBERRY--20 fl oz-- 0calories,0sugar,0fat. it states 2.5 g of fiber give this product and edge in the crowded functional water category.

These last 2 entries are for my cuz Barb. who prefers her water to taste of something. So a heathier tea choice, and h2o.

The hard stuff, is all the stuff I never tell anyone, most of the time not even my doctor because I don't want him to feel he's not helping.

So last nite as I lay not sleeping, and my worry wheel was going at mach 10, I had a bit of an epiphany. my worry wheel was doing the hundred yard dash with the old refrain, "how long are you gonna stay broken before you just give up", "next time you go for your walk just jump in front of a bus" "your brain's never gonna work properly again", "just buy some heroin and keep it on hand til you can make a decision".

A small sampling of the litany that depression/brain fart chemicals impose.

I realized last nite that I have a mantra that I use to defuse these crippling thoughts. As each one asserts itself, I rebut. I regulate my breathing (god bless yoga) and I begin my own gospel according to Mar.

I am not broken, I am dented and need a little body work, I will survive.

I walk for health, and not being stupid, jumping in front of a bus just doesn't strike me as healthy.

I want to create a new way for my brain to work. Thanks to you all I'm doing that here.

I will not allow myself to make a decision based on fear of failure.

Failure is just another word for I'll never stop doing something, whether it turns out good or bad.

When I write about food and nutrition, create new recipes, I am transported for short periods away from the worry wheel.

It's always kinda there and takes energy to utilize my mantras and cognitive steps.

energy well spent.

Okay so it's out there now, this sampling of my wheel, and I am crying my eyes out, because I feel so exposed.

I pray that shining a lite on this darkness inch by inch will change my stars.

A special thanx to A.K. & R.P Who gave me the courage today to share this difficult keerappp.

Thanx y'all for supporting me.

From the depths of my being I am grateful.

housekeeping is not my forte, argh.

FOOD FACTOID: PAPAYAS, BEGINNING TO TURN YELLOW AND SOMEWHAT YIELDING FLESH WHEN LIGHTLY SQUEEZED. BLOTCHY ONES OFTEN HAVE THE MOST FLAVOR.

AVOID TOO GREEN, HAVE DARK SPOTS, OR ARE SHRIVELED.

ONCE RIPE EAT IMMEDIATELY OR REFRIGERATE UP TO 3 DAYS. RIPEN AT ROOM TEMP, IN A DARK SETTING UNTIL YELLOW BLOTCHES APPEAR.

PAYOFF: A COMPLETE NUTRITIONAL PACKAGE INCLUDING PLENTY O FIBER AND VITAMINS C,A,E, AND K.

PEACHES; PICK FRUITY AROMA AND A BACKGROUND COLOR THAT IS YELLOW OR A WARM CREAM COLOR.

YIELDS TO GENTLE PRESSURE=EAT NOW

FUTURE INTAKE=OPT FOR FIRM BUT NOT ROCK HARD. RED BLUSH ON THEIR CHEEKS IS VARIETY DEPENDENT AND IS NOT A RIPENESS INDICATOR.

STORE UNRIPE AT ROOM TEMPERATURE OPEN TO AIR.

RIPE= REFRIGERATE 2-3 DAYS.

PAYOFF; VITAMIN C, ANTIOXIDANT BETA-CAROTENE, FIBER, AND POTASSIUM.

As for moi, mouth is starting to heal, only a couple of cankers and hotspots at the gum line where the incisions were made. Soooo able to eat as long as I sweep everything to the healthy side. Sure makes for slow eating.

Continue to have difficulty in regulating light therapy, some weird sleep thing going on. Only able to sleep 1 1/2-2hours at a time. so feels choppy and not restful.

My grumpy is getting more full-bodied every day.

tuff to find energy to do anything.

stumbled around doing housework today, wash kitchen floor(miniscule area 2'by 7') .

Suitcase is out and lists being made for trip.

spoke to Carol, they leave for China on Thursday, sounds like a great trip.

Sunday was a good day, weather was sunny and warm. Went to S.L.C. Meeting and had a Picnic with some of the group after. Was nice, relaxed atmosphere. Still find it difficult to be around people for that long, was exhausted when I got home.

I so habitually don the mask that makes it possible to be around people and not look broken or weird. It's gonna take some work to not let the mask overrule the changes I want to make in facing life head on, and shining a light on my journey thru the dark halls of depression.

I am meditating every day, and I gotta tell ya, it is hard, hard, hard. The noise keeps trying to take over. So now as soon as my mind wanders I immediately picture the ocean and a gentle wave cresting on the shore to cleanse and refresh.

So I am a work in progress, which is better than what I was this time last year.

I keep remembering YODA saying THERE IS NO TRY, THERE IS DO OR DO NOT.

And if I was quoting the GODFATHER, I'd say I'M GOING TO THE MATTRESSES.

THAT'S IT. I'M DONE.

CHEERS Y'ALL

Saturday, sunny, farmers market, mouth on the mend

FOOD FACTOID; GREEN BEANS, PICK VIBRANT SMOOTH SURFACE. SHOULD SNAP WHEN

GENTLY BENT.

REFRIGERATE UNWASHED X ONE WEEK

PAYOFF; FIBER, 4GRAMS PER CUP=WOW, CAN REDUCE ALL-CAUSE MORTALITY.

FOOD FACTOID; ONIONS, NICELY SHAPED NO SWELLING AT THE NECK AND DRY, CRISP OUTER SKIN. NO SOFT SPOTS OR GREEN SPROUTS.

KEEP IN COOL, DARK LOCATION AWAY FROM POTATOES FOR 3-4WEEKS.

PAYOFF; GPCS, A PEPTIDE SHOWN TO REDUCE BONE LOSS IN RATS AND THE CANCER-FIGHTING COMPOUND QUERCETIN.

MAR'S TIP= THE SQUATTER THE SHAPE THE SWEETER THE ONION. THE DIMENSIONS FROM ROOT TO TIP ARE LESS THE DIAMETER= SWEET

As for moi, I have had a trying week with 4.5 hours of dental work to prep 3 crowns on the lower back molars. Suffice to say, a gingivectomy- ie: resection of gums to create the base for the crowns, because the breaks in the teeth had been below gum level. 'nuff said.

Today is a new day, Sunny, 75 degrees, did my light therapy, have been experimenting this week with how much time to do to balance the symptoms without adding any by doing too much. A bit of a balancing act, but definitely have a boost today.

My finds at the Market, some yummm, walla walla onions ( west coast version of vidalia)

Mutsu Apples, my all time favorite apples, some english cukes, new potatoes, yellow beans, red leaf lettuce.

Went to Chinatown, got 10 lemons 10 limes, and 2 uber fresh red snapper.

My idea for the snapper is to make my own seasoning salt

sea salt,fresh jalapeno pepper, cayenne pepper, lemon+lime zest,( grate fine on a microplane) sweet smoked paprika.

score the fish 1/2 inch deep about inch1/2 apart all along the sides.

rub the seasoned salt into the flesh.

Season the inside with salt and pepper and fill with red onions and herbs of choice. ( the greek use oregano, Italians thyme, I use both)

When you serve the fish, have a gravy boat full of this Portuguese dressing.

Use your favorite acid, lemon-lime-apple cider vinegar.(I use all 3) , extra virgin olive oil, one sweet onion, small dice salt and pepper to taste.( I usually sneak in a little fresh dill) combine and set in fridge and just put on the table for people to drizzle over top, of fish.

I usually serve huge salad with this fish so the Portuguese drsg. goes on the fish and salad.

Yummmm. That's all for now Folks, end on a food note, no giving in to the darkness today. I'm using the Barb Proven Method of Coping. Just keep moving and the dark shit can't stick.

Oughta work for a day! So say I.

Tomorrow is a picnic after SLC meeting.

So I got 3 hug Bunches of Italian Parsley and will make a Tabouli, with Quinoa instead of bulgur wheat.

QUINOA IS AN ANCIENT INCAN GRAIN, A COMPLETE PROTEIN, A RARITY IN THE VEG WORLD. FIBRE, COMPLEX CARBS, CALCIUM, PHOSPHOROUS, IRON, AND VIT. B & E. IT'S LIGHT AND NUTTY. DELISH. CHEERS Y'ALL

AND SO IT IS

Hmmmmm, good things about autumn

FOOD FACTOID: lemons/limes--Brightly colored, well-shaped with smooth thin skin. Should feel sturdy but give ever so slightly when squeezed. Small brown splotches on limes do not affect flavor (although they are a sign of deterioration and should be consumed first. Lemons should have no hint of green.

Store @ room temp in dark, cool location or in fridge

Payoff= Phytonutrient liminoids, which appear to have anticancer, antiviral properties.

I had a quiet w/e. It was wet and grey, I read and watched football. Messin' with my light-therapy to relieve the increase in hopeless,worthless, anxiety wheel, especially @ nite, cause one of the first things to go is sleep. There is something so utterly desolate about being awake @ 3a.m. it just seems to feed the worst that depression brings up.

Sooo thought for the day is sometimes being in survival mode is what is necessary.

For now the definition of thrive will be putting these dark thoughts and feelings out here in the public domain, and try and beat the humiliation I feel for having them.

Soooo, the goal is the depression loses it's power and I will not feel broken.

Wow, just writing those words chokes me. I sooo did not want to write anything today. The victory is I did it anyway. I shared some of this darkness inside.

mercury in retrograde, full moon, darkness looms

Mannn, I feel like my skin is too tight. Hard to breathe. funk'd out today, so tomorrow, gotta hit the road and do some serious exercise to change those brain chemicals

.

FOOD FACTOID: Garlic(yummmm) bulbs should feel heavy for its size, with tightly closed cloves in the bulb that remain firm when gently pressed. the skin can be pure white or have purple tinged stripes and should be tight fitting.

Place bulbs in a cool, dark, well-ventilated location for up to 1 month.

The Cancer fighting compound allicin that can also cut down on the Helicobacter pylori bacteria responsible for the development of stomach ulcers.

I'm finding it difficult to write what I'm feeling 'cause it feels like whining, or maybe that's just my way of not having to face some of the ugly stuff that comes up more often as the darkness descends. Having trouble sleeping, feel like hiding at home, feel like I'm choking back tears. Sooo I guess I'll try more time with the light box tomorrow and see if it lifts.

here comes fallllll, arghhh

Food Factoid: Bananas- store unripe bananas on the counter away from sunlight+heat.

(put bananas in open paper bag to speed up ripening)

Once ripened refrigerate: though the peel turns brown flavor and quality are unaffected.

Payoff: vitamin B6 helps prevent cognitive decline. ( and who doesn't need that; Hello)

Still dealing with Dental woes and miseries. Will need 3 crowns to fix the problem permanently, sooo that's what I'll be doin'. 'Nuff 'bout that.

I surely do notice the shorter days, I will do my light-therapy to get a jump on the slump and sleep disturbance that has started. Kinda grey day, kinda feelin' grey, but I had a whole bunch of fresh tomatoes soooo I made my old Mediterranean standby, Pasta(1/2 reg,1/2 wholewheat) with a fresh tomato sauce. Reminded me of a few Dinners in Atlanta with Carol and Barb and Trish. Was Tasteee. Dropped a few butterflied jumbo shrimp to jaz it up.

Not feelin' terribly verbose a ce moment, sooo will sign off. cheers y'all